Blaugust Day 27 ~ in the pines…

I do feel the need to put a warning before this post – it does imply or mention depression, suicide, drug use and such like.  It may not be warranted but well, it’s here.

Today was my birthday (yay!) and I had a fun day and some gorgeous pressies.  One of the pressies was the Kurt Cobain documentary Montage of Heck.  I’m not sure I could say I enjoyed it as such, as it was quite disturbing in places and actually pretty sad but it was very good.  Unusually it was also a fairly honest look at the person rather than a gushing tribute.  So I would say, if you were into Nirvana at all it’s probably worth watching.

I’m the one with the erm… face 😛 not in touch with these ppl anymore so anon’d them

As you get older birthdays, as well as being a celebration of yet another year on the planet, do also have a tendency to thoughtfulness and reminiscing.  Obviously watching a dvd involving a band which were at the forefront of your personal soundtrack during your youth doesn’t help 🙂

I could relate a lot to much of the documentary, I had a similarly disjointing childhood (though in a different way) and part of me watched his spiral of self destruction knowing that it could easily have been me.  Well except the fame and success part obviously.  I was lucky though, drugs education did do its part and I never stepped onto the harder drugs as I had read the physiological changes that take place on these drugs and just thought nope.  So I didn’t and the fear of an increasing heart rate (cocaine) or a bad trip (lsd) was enough to deter me even whilst very drunk.  I had the chance to sort myself out before anything majorly bad happened fortunately, though I did have quite a wild youth.

I’m the one with red hair and vampire teeth (it was halloween!)

One of the major differences was that, according to his family and friends, he needed to recreate his family unit whereas I decided to never be dependent upon anyone again and just wanted to wander on my own.  I’ve since relaxed quite considerably and I’m glad I have.  The strange thing is that listening to ‘Where did you sleep last night’ just brings it all back, even though the MTV appearance happened after I’d started getting it together.

Moral of the story kids?  Don’t write a blog post on your birthday listening to this video and having drunk too much wine 😉

oh and last reminder that yes these photos are photos of photos as digital cameras, faceweb and the like didn’t exist back then! (thank fuck!)

and to end on a slightly cheerier note – one of my favourite scenes from Withnail and I

17 Comments Add yours

  1. Rakuno says:

    Happy Birthday! 🙂

    And I can relate as I did have a bit of a troubled childhood (well, it was mostly through the teenage years but who doesn’t?) and early adulthood. I also think I more like Kurt Cobain in the need of recreating a family unit although I admit part of me fears it would be disastrous considering my personality.

    So, yeah, that is my bit of TMI to go along with yours. Sorry. :p

    1. eldaeriel says:

      thank you 🙂

      and yeah I did nearly write about teenagerhood / early adulthood being quite an extreme time, both with good feelings and bad. So no, it’s not an easy time for most people, I think though when that’s mixed with family breakdowns and/or problems, it makes it worse exponentially. I have to say I would never go back to my teens – 20s maybe – teens no no no no no no 🙂

      occasionally tmi is needed i think 🙂 thanks for commenting

  2. Gryph says:

    I still have the VHS I taped that MTV appearance on. Both the tape and the album can definitely bring me back some nights.

    1. eldaeriel says:

      was a great performance – I think I must have chucked my VHS tape – luckily there’s youtube 🙂

      yeah it’s a bit disconcerting sometimes how music can bring back thoughts, feelings and moods….

      1. Gryph says:

        That’s one of the things I value most about Youtube, the ability to see performances etc. that otherwise would be lost. 🙂

        Yes, it can be; music can be very powerful. One of the reasons I clicked on your link was the title, that’s one of my favorite songs from the set. It sounds doofy to say it’s haunting, but that one really is.

      2. Gryph says:

        Oh and I’m an idiot, happy birthday as well! xD I got so focused on the music that I completely spaced that part.

      3. eldaeriel says:

        thanks for the birthday wishes 🙂

        yeah was my favourite song of the set too – it’s just really visceral, you feel it in your stomach

        /incoherent noise


  3. atz1830 says:

    ‘bring us the finest wines known to humanity’ one of my favourite phrase or sayings, often can’t help saying it in a teashop 🙂 Happy Birthday

    1. eldaeriel says:

      thank you 🙂 I did always want to go into a tea shop and yell that but never actually did – probably a good thing 🙂

      did you see how young Richard E Grant looks? shouldnt be allowed 😉

  4. Drugs. I’ve always found the fantasy is far better than the reality. Now I’m old I prefer tea and a good game 😀

    1. eldaeriel says:

      hehe yeah totally 🙂 I sort of miss those days but i don’t want to go back to them

  5. Missy says:

    Happy Birthday! I used to use music as therapy, not so much anymore, often get to emo afterwards for some stupid reason, guess I hate the silence that comes afterwards 😛 Really silly.

    1. eldaeriel says:

      not silly, music can be powerful stuff 🙂 maybe you need a happy or relaxing playlist for afterwards?

      1. Missy says:

        Yeah might be a good idea!

  6. C. T. Murphy says:

    Happy birthday! I’ve been meaning to watch this documentary too. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  7. atz1830 says:

    Ah now I see the resemblance (vampire), was too busy reliving scandalous ‘drunk in a teashop’ days the first time 😉

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